New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
