Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
