Sry I called you an 8
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
