I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
