i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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