Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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