i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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