you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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