dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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