I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
