I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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