As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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