It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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