I'm lost and stupid without you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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