My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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