It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
