I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
