If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
