ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
