Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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