He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
