whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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