Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am naked and annoyed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
