how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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