We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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