wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
