it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
