you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
