She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize