I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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