when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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