And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
