Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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