so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
