Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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