So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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