Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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