We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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