You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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