i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
