Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
