be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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