At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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