Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
