your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
