If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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