Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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