So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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