Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
