butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
