Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
