if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
