i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
