does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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