and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
