Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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