This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
