remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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