so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just high enough for therapy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
