you guys were way drunker than both of me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
